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Prepping for divorce or breakup checklist

By The SHTF App Team

Chaos favors the unprepared. When a relationship ends, your brain will be overloaded. This checklist converts anxiety into a series of manageable missions, ensuring you miss nothing when it matters most, whether you’re prioritizing safety or simply untangling a shared life.

Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for general informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended as, and should not be considered, legal or financial advice. Consult a qualified family law attorney for your specific situation.

Mission 1: Assess your situation & make a plan

Your first action is to honestly assess your safety. Your strategy depends on this.

Path A: If you are in an UNSAFE relationship (safety is your ONLY priority)

  • Contact a professional for help creating a secret safety plan. In the US, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or a local shelter.
  • Assemble a secret “Go-Bag” with cash, a burner phone, medications, copies of documents, keys, and comfort items for children/pets. Keep it hidden off-site.
  • Use a safe, private device (like a library computer) for all planning and research.
  • Create a new, secret email address your partner does not know about.

Path B: If you are in a SAFE but unhappy relationship (logistics are your priority)

  • Plan the separation conversation using “I” statements to be clear, firm, and kind.
  • Choose a calm, private time and place to have the conversation.
  • Prepare a proposal for immediate logistics (living arrangements, shared bills, how to tell children).
  • Research your separation options, such as mediation or collaborative divorce.

Mission 2: The intel gathering phase, document everything

Your goal: create a complete “life-on-paper” snapshot of your shared world.

  • Gather financial records:
    • Tax returns (last 3 years).
    • Pay stubs (last 3 months for both partners, if possible).
    • Bank, investment, and retirement account statements.
    • Credit card and all loan statements (mortgage, auto, student).
  • Gather legal, property & ID documents:
    • Deeds to property and vehicle titles.
    • Marriage certificate and any prenuptial agreements.
    • Copies of existing wills or trusts.
    • Insurance policy “declarations pages.”
    • IDs, birth certificates, passports, and Social Security cards for you and any children.
  • Store all copies securely in a location only you control (a new cloud account or a physical binder at a friend’s house).

Mission 3: Assemble your specialized support team

Your goal: surround yourself with the right experts and allies.

  • Find a therapist/counselor to help you process the emotional impact.
  • Select 1 to 3 trusted, non-judgmental friends or family members as your core emotional support.
  • Schedule consultations with 2 to 3 family law attorneys and retain the one you feel most comfortable with.
  • Consider consulting a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®) for complex financial situations.
  • For Path A ONLY: connect with a domestic violence advocate from a local shelter. This is non-negotiable.

Mission 4: Secure your independence

Your goal: methodically untangle your shared life and build a new, independent foundation.

  • Establish financial independence:
    • Open a new checking and savings account in your name only (at a new bank if necessary).
    • Update your direct deposit information with your employer.
    • Apply for a credit card in your name only to build your own credit history.
  • Conduct a digital security “clean sweep”:
    • Change the password for your primary email first, then online banking, then all other accounts.
    • Enable two-factor authentication (2FA) everywhere possible.
    • Create a new, secure backup of your personal data (photos, files) that only you control.
    • Use the “sign out of all other devices” feature on your key accounts.

Mission 5: Navigating the aftermath, the first 90 days

Your goal: stabilize, recover, and care for yourself during the most intense period.

  • Practice self-care: follow the “one thing” rule, do one healthy thing for yourself each day.
  • Establish a new, simple daily routine to create predictability and control.
  • Lean on your support team: maintain therapy appointments and regular check-ins with trusted friends.
  • If co-parenting: keep communication business-like and focused on the children.
  • Follow the “no major decisions” rule: postpone huge life changes for at least 3 to 6 months.
  • Create a post-divorce to-do list to be actioned once legally finalized:
    • Update beneficiaries on all life insurance and retirement accounts.
    • Draft a new will, power of attorney, and health care directive.
    • Update all emergency contacts (work, doctors, school).
    • Update your name if applicable (Social Security, DMV).